Sometimes I understand others in terms of how they are similar to me. Other times I understand them in terms of how they are different from me. There is no other way to understand others. Comparisons are imminent.
If I understand myself, still I might not understand someone else correctly, for some contamination of data would distort my perception.
But, if I do not understand myself, there is no chance I can understand others.
The key to understanding others is to understand myself, first.
I am the common denominator in how the World is. If not for me, nothing would ever make sense in this World.
But understanding myself is an ongoing process. Partly because I am complex. Partly because I keep on changing. I cannot suspend the process of understanding others in the meantime.
After all, life has to go on, if it is to stop some other day.
And hence, everything I do, every thought I think has a purpose.
LOL!
Simple! Isn't it? ;)
If I understand myself, still I might not understand someone else correctly, for some contamination of data would distort my perception.
But, if I do not understand myself, there is no chance I can understand others.
The key to understanding others is to understand myself, first.
I am the common denominator in how the World is. If not for me, nothing would ever make sense in this World.
But understanding myself is an ongoing process. Partly because I am complex. Partly because I keep on changing. I cannot suspend the process of understanding others in the meantime.
After all, life has to go on, if it is to stop some other day.
And hence, everything I do, every thought I think has a purpose.
LOL!
Simple! Isn't it? ;)
So...
iBubble had burst?
OR
I burst Bubble?
iBubble had burst?
OR
I burst Bubble?
...Would depend upon if you are a prick just like me, or if you are not a prick unlike me.
Told you, comparisons are imminent! ;)
Told you, comparisons are imminent! ;)
Exactly.
ReplyDeleteiAgree.
The key to understanding others is understanding yourself. If you don't know what YOU like, how do you know if you like others? Whom you judge partly on the basis of what THEY like.
Excellent post. :)
iBubble had burst? - Here we dont know if anyone burst it intentionally or something happened to it to disintegrate on its own.
ReplyDeleteI burst Bubble? You are unsure if you did it. But 'YOU' come into the picture. :-D
Hahahaha......
Insignia,
ReplyDeleteThis might sound weird, but I received an email from you as requested by me. Did you send an email. Please confirm here itself before I respond to your mail. :) I'll respond in context of this post a few days later. Thanks!
Yes yes, I have sent you 3 mails to be precise. Here are the details - 2 yesterday and 1 sometime back now. Sent all 3 to your yahoo.co.in ID.
ReplyDeleteThe third mail I sent with subject edited as 'Apologies'.
Geee, enough of details. Sure thing; please respond as it is indeed ME who emailed you :-)
//But understanding myself is an ongoing process. Partly because I am complex. Partly because I keep on changing. I cannot suspend the process of understanding others in the meantime.
ReplyDeleteWell then I guess your mission is never ending (doomed? Like the world?. Cause others are as complex and changing.
//There is no other way to understand others. Comparisons are imminent.
There may be other ways. Like taking them at face value but not ignoring the possibility if fine print.
//And hence, everything I do, every thought I think has a purpose.
That contradicts 'Serendipity' in thoughts, doesn't it?
:-) And I thought Apple Inc. farted in bathtub :-)
ReplyDeleteNo, seriously, interesting idea - that you're ever-changing, and hence the process of understanding is never complete...
We are our own reference points for everything in the world. Making sense of our environment can only be achieved by trying to make sense of ourselves.
ReplyDeleteThat said - sometimes I just don't having a freaking CLUE as to the way others behave.
This year has revealed some peculiar behaviour amongst work colleagues, patients and friends. For which I just have no explanation. does this mean that I have failed to explain parts of myself and thus am unable to understand the world around me?
And, is it even worth the effort?
Srishti,
ReplyDeleteThanks!
I would say you could get the post only partially! But not your fault at all! This post in its current form is quite ambiguous, and I would say it's only Dr. S who could best get this post. :(
Anyway, I'll try my best to explain you the post. Of course, complete explanation will emerge as I respond to other comments, too.
The comparison part is imminent not only because I would like to know if I like/dislike people, but also to understand them. If I see someone angry, I can understand what they are feeling only when I recall how I'd felt when I was angry!
Also, to understand the degree of anger, I would again have to try to 'calibrate' other person's manifestation of anger against my manifestations of anger. For instance, the other person could start screaming even when mildly angry, whereas, I could just smile even when excessively angry! So, the degree of anger subjectively 'felt' by the other person would be disproportionate to how I 'perceive' it to be owing to its exaggerated objective (visible) manifestation (screaming). The reason I would go wrong is because I would know that I would scream only when very, very angry! And the other person need not handle and manifest the anger same way as I do! But yet, despite this given flaw of this method, in my opinion, this is the only method available to us to understand others. :) ...
...Also surprisingly, none of the readers could get my self-directed sarcasm in "...life has to go on, if it is to stop some other day." I was mocking at my foolish zeal to know and understand everything despite the fact that life serves no tangible purpose beyond the satisfaction of not dying on that particular day! :D In this sense, I consider that line to be the darkest I've written in my entire blog! Though, it does not contain any violence.
ReplyDeleteBut then it is true, too!
Why this obligation to understand myself and others? Why can I not live without trying to understand everything, or anything for that matter?
Irrespective of however much extoll 'observing', 'thinking' and 'concluding' to be virtues, the fact remains, none of this serves any real purpose apart from being the best forms of entertainment (as far as I'm concerned!). Really!
Hope, all this doesn't come to you as too frightening or depressing.
And if it does, just one thing I can tell you is, I feel very light on the whole, simply because I know there are no fixed, long-term goals to life, no 'oughts' that have to be respected, and no agenda that I've to relentlessly pursue! ;)
TC.
Insignia,
ReplyDelete'Bubble' here stands for the inflated importance given to the significance of 'I' in context of its real influence on permanent/unchangeable things.
Like, I live my life thinking all along there's a purpose to it. But what do I 'change' in the end (that is, when I die) in this Universe? What is the significance of that 'change'? What difference would it make to had that change not occurred? You might say, it makes a difference to other humans. But what if the difference that's being made by the process of my living as a human (which to an extent requires thinking and understanding) would've not been made! What difference would it make if the entire human race would vanish suddenly, or if the entire Earth would vanish? To 'whom' would it make a difference?
Our reasons for living are totally circular. We live so that we could exist in the 'current form' (the configuration assumed by organic molecules that we call human body and the 'mind' it contains). What's the point in existing in 'current form'? So that we can live!
So basically, we do not have any external purpose to live. Yet, we attach such a significance to the concept of 'I' that we think the entire Universe is centered on that 'I'.
And the realization of redundancy of that feeling of 'I' is what was bursting of the iBubble. :)
If the reader would've thought about all this before, then they are 'pricks' like me who had already burst their bubble. And if not, then I was the 'prick' that burst the bubble! ;)
I hope such sinister posts don't drive you away from my blog! :P
And if you were asking me, then that 'YOU' did not have much to do with the current post, only a bit! :)
Thanks!
TC.
Stupidosaur,
ReplyDelete"Well then I guess your mission is
never ending (doomed? Like the world?. Cause others are as complex and changing."
Yes, indeed it is intrinsically doomed to not reach an end! Because it ends with death!
But yes, it might so happen that I'd have learned about myself and others so well, that 'new' things keep on coming to my notice very infrequently. So infrequently that I would be tempted to believe I've understood myself and others enough, and there is nothing new to learn. But I can never be sure that there would be nothing new to learn! ;)
Or alternatively, I would grow so prejudiced and gather so much inertia, that I would try to fit even novel data into my scheme of things by distorting the data itself.
But personally, I've not reached a stage yet, where I would feel there's nothing new to be known/explored about life and others.
Please read my response to Srishti, and you'd know I don't think there's any inherent purpose of thinking over and understanding myself or others apart from the fact that that's the best form of entertainment available while I choose to live. :)
//There is no other way to understand others. Comparisons are imminent.
"There may be other ways. Like
taking them at face value but not ignoring the possibility if (*of?) fine print"
I guess, by fine print you meant 'subtle aspects' of an experience/emotion....
...If it is so, I believe even when paying attention to grosser aspects of someone else's intent/emotion/experience/sensory perception, we actually understand only from a perspective of how we would have 'felt' them. True, when assessing things very quickly, we do not pause to recall when and how we had experienced those things, but still our understanding is built only because of our having experienced those things in the past.
ReplyDeleteThis idea is same as yours on 'salty', 'sweet' and 'sour'! ;) While you'd probably kept it restricted to only sensations, I've extended it to everything 'subjective' that goes into making human a sentient being. Being 'sentient' itself bestows subjectivity to the whole process of 'sensing'--not just events occurring outside the mind (sensory perceptions), but even those occuring 'inside' the brain (emotions, thoughts, plans, conclusions, impulses). :)
//And hence, everything I do, every thought I think has a purpose.
"That contradicts 'Serendipity' in thoughts, doesn't it?"
For serendipity to occure, one has to be looking for something in the first place! And then find something they were not looking for! Which means one needs to have a purpose. But what is special about trying to search for an answer is that you know that you want an answer, but you do not know what that answer would be! So serendipity in context of satisfying one's curiosity is inherently not possible, or inherently always happens--depending upon how you look at it! ;) ...
...But I guess, when you said 'serendipity', you probably actually meant 'spontaneity'.
ReplyDeleteIf you'll read my response to Srishti above, you'll realize that the sentence you've quoted about having a purpose was actually self-directed sarcasm!
This sarcasm will become more acutely apparent, if you read the preceding sentence in the post carefully.
Honestly Stupidosaur, maybe this post and these comments have nothing in them, which you would've never thought before! So they can't change anything in how you look at things. Except for just about maybe, what you think about me, if you've thought about me, that is! ;)
Thanks for reading and commenting!
TC.
mgeek,
ReplyDeleteBad boy!
Just because you are a Nokia fan, 'cracking' lewd jokes and 'bursting' bubbles? ;) Wait till Apple decides to teach you a lesson or two about Newton uncle's 'every action has equal and opposite reaction', and a bubble farts out an apple at you in the bath tub! ;) Okay, whatever that means!
I read, N900 is 180 grams!!! With that kind of weight, it would definitely sink in a bath tub!, except for of course, if mgeekimedes finds a way to make it float, to rightfully earn his eureka moment!
Thanks for the appreciation of my idea! TC.
Dr. S,
ReplyDeleteFirstly, thanks for taking time off to read my post and secondly congratulations for understanding it so precisely despite the fact that it was written in such an abstract manner! :)
You've raised a very valid doubt as to why you can't understand others' behavior.
The reason you've speculated, that you can't understand your own behavior, is unlikely. Simply because in that case you would've been worried more about your own erratic behavior and impulsivity!
There are two possible reasons you can't understand (predict) and account for others' behavior.
1. The distortion brought about by perception. Meaning you would've gauged the circumstances which prompt, say, behavior 'x' wrongly or insufficiently. You might not be completely aware of what recent events in your acquaintances' lives are prompting them to behave the way they are.
2. Every individual is fundamentally different! The 'technique' outlined in my post (which anyway, everyone possibly follows to understand other humans) has one fundamental assumption that the range of emotions/intentions/tendencies present in every person is the same! And this assumption is flawed!
Let's talk of action 'x' by your friend, again. It's 'caused' by an emotion called 'e'. While your friend's circumstances are a matter of only 'knowing', and your ignorance of them would not allow you to understand your friend's behavior. But once you learn about the circumstances, you would be able to understand and predict her behavior!...
...But what if emotion 'e' is just not present in your repertoire of emotions? It is something you've never experienced!
ReplyDeleteHow can you ever relate it to behavior 'x'?
Either you'll see x in a distorted fashion (behavior 'a') so that would relate it to some other emotion 'k' that you're aware of! But then since this perception would be willfully distorted, you'll only get transient satisfaction of being able to understand behavior 'a', which is actually 'x'. So next time, x occurs, you'll be again at loss to place its cause!
So, you'll ultimately conclude your friend's behavior cannot be accounted for, or is not predictable.
It's like your trying to treat histoplasmosis by antitubercular drugs, and the disease behaving erratically, simply because you would not know of the existence of an organism called Histoplasma capsulatum!
Sometimes it also so happens that we're not ready to acknowledge certain traits in those we know only because those traits would be 'negative'! 'Cuz, then that would entail thinking ill about those who we'd have loved and valued just a day back! 'New' conclusions would wreck havock in our sense of 'equilibrium' in our lives, and we continue to live in a denial mode! This all happens because of inertia we experience in reprioritizing our relations and their values in our lives!
You only can decide if this exercise is worth or not! For me, it is worth, simply because it is entertaining! ;)
Hope, this helps!
TC.
I dont ever want to completely understand myself or anyone else..
ReplyDeleteI like the mystery, the questions, the doubts..its fun to not be all-knowing!
The struggle to understand is the interesting bit isnt it?
how was ur exam? :) mine went unexpectedly well..:D
Thanks Ketan for the explanation. I frankly didnt think on those dimensions while reading this post; though I do ponder over such thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI am afraid I dont have the luxury of time to start the process of thinking these as of now. Because it takes me to rationalize few actions of ours; and condemn few others; think why do people indulge in few practices without even knowing the reason for it; the omni-potent being.
Oh my, I am already getting into the groove. Loads of work to finish!!! :-)
Ketan,
ReplyDeleteI want to disagree on the comparison bit. No matter how well you understand yourself, there is no guarantee you will succeed in understanding another person. What matters is how well you are able to interpret a person.
On a personal note, I consider myself as a person who is willing to help anyone who comes to me for some help/support. I generally do go that extra mile to help someone. But then over the years I've realized, not everyone who has taken my help/support has returned the favor. Not even out of courtesy. Most often than not, I'm quickly forgotten or avoided so that I won't have a chance to approach them for any help that I might need. There is no other explanation other than most of them being selfish. And that I was a bit foolish too.
If I compare myself with the rest of them, then I won't get anything out of it. But having said that, not all of them are like that. There are just a handful of people who've helped me when I was in trouble or when I needed support the most. Unfortunately, I've not had a chance to return the favor so far!
I wish there was an equation/software to find answers in life. Just feed the data and get the output! Lol How convenient would that be! Sigh.
And yes I had told you a long time ago that you are Nature's freak child! :P Your intelligence is beyond our understanding! So kindly come down to our level with your self directed sarcasm! :P I can help you kick your own ass! I'm good at that and it was proved two weeks ago when I landed a fist sandwich on the fat mo-fo and I nearly blinded him in the left eye! Lol
Regards,
Vishwas
how about comparing it so some constant factor?
ReplyDeletelike comparing people to pornstars.
now THATS wicked.
@ Vishwas:
ReplyDeleteThanks! How could you disagree when you're stating the same thing I've anyway stated in the post! ;)
"If I understand myself, still I might not understand someone else correctly, for some contamination of data would distort my perception."
I'm afraid, you've not understood the post, which is not your fault at all! This was not an intellectual, but ambiguous post. If Stupidosaur couldn't understand it, then this post was certainly very ambiguous!
Please read my above comments (especially, response to Srishti) to better understand the post.
@ deluded:
What you suggest is a fabulous idea, the only problem is some people take it as a compliment and insist on riding your cock despite your repeated, vehement protests telling them that amounts to cruelty against animals/birds, and that you don't keep pets. :(
Oops! You were talking of artists. Okay, so your idea is wicked, indeed.
Ketan,
ReplyDeleteNo! I did understand the post! What I wanted to disagree on was the comparison bit. You said comparison is imminent. I disagreed on that part. But you may be right too. I'm sorry if I wasn't clear in my explanation. I just felt comparison was not necessary. Right now I don't have a sound example to make myself understood.
And my previous response was not the original one. It was slightly different. In fact I am getting a feeling it was much better than the previous one. The page hung and I was forced to restart the application and sadly I lost the comment I was typing out. I tried to salvage from my minuscule memory space but in vain plus I was pissed off because I typed out everything! Lol
Vishwas,
ReplyDeleteYou could be right! You might not be viewing people the same way I do! :)
I usually cannot attribute those intentions to others that I myself would've never felt. For instance, extreme violent, destructive rage. Seriously!
But it would be fallacious for me to think such feelings do not exist, especially seeing some of the incidents in the World.
But even that rage, I understand as a much more intense anger that I myself would've felt.
Probably, 'comparison' is a somewhat inappropriate term to use in the context. Maybe, 'projection' could be better. But then that would be a very complicated term. :) The comparison I've talked of in the post is not of stratification (worst < worse < bad < good < better < best)-kind! Like, one could say, indigo is more similar to blue than red. This would be a comparison, but not with alloting a 'good' or 'bad' value to it. If you'd have seen blue color many times, you'd be quickly be able relate to it, as compared to red color, if never seen before. Now try to apply the same situation to helpfulness v/s ungratefulness (that you mentioned)! Hope, I was able to clarify.
Thanks for putting in your view. Looking forward to what you feel on this.
And very sorry to know, you lost your original comment. I know how terrible it feels (again, from 'comparing' how I had felt when same had happened to me in the past! ;) ).
TC.