Friday, February 26, 2010

Time-warped Timeless Bollywood Lines!

I had originally posted the following as a comment elsewhere:


"Yeh duniya, yeh mehfil tere kaam ki nahin" ... [dhishkaaon]


"Tere liye bandook nahin, mere haath hi kaafi hain, machhar"! [dhishum] oops... [fataaak] - splattered erstwhile human, but now mosquito blood on the wall.


"Main is baar tumhaare bachche ki maan banane waali hoon; dobara mat puchhana ki mera number kab aayega."


"I love you, Anita. I love you, too, Sunita. Pyaar baantane se badhataa hai."


"Yeh sab uparwaale ki daen hai; haan, par kuchh-kuchh bachche baajuwaale ki bhi daen hain."


Tortured lady: "Tumhare saamane haath jodakar main dayaa ki bheekh maangati hoon"

Confused tyrant: "Dayaa ki kyon, khud ki bheekh maango na!"


Sister: "Bhaiyya mere, raakhi ke bandhan ko nibhaaaaanaa!"

Brother: "Jaa, tu bhi kya yaad rakhegi, tu Rahul ke bandhan ko nibhaa" :P


NRI MIL: "(1)Janamjali, kalmuhi, (2)kulta, (2)kulakshani. Teri maan ne tere paida hote hi tera galaa kyon nahin ghot diya!"

DIL (in American accent): "Yo, mom! You rock! Thanks for calling me sweet as (1)jam-n-jelly and (2)kewl!"


Doctor upon merely examining patient's pulse: "Badhaai ho Mrs. Sharma, aapki bahu maan banane waali hai."

Mrs. Sharma: "Sirf isake baal lambe (click) hain toh kya huaa? Yeh meri bahu nahin, mera betaa hai!" :P :P :P


Excavator: "Anarth ho gaya!"

Archeologist: "Is mein nayee baat kya hai, tumhaaraa kaam hi toh hai unearth karanaa."


Jiska is duniya mein koi nahin hota, usakaa facebook hota hai.


Demon: "Is ghalati ki sazaa moth hai, moth"

"Thank you!" - Starved lizard.


Bindass girl: "Tere ghar mein maan-behen nahin hai kya?"

Stupid boy: "Hain par, aap jitani khubsoorat nahin hain"

Bindass girl: "Toh yeh le fair-n-lovely; goraa-pun laaye sirf do dinon mein."


Senti mom: "Tumhein maine apna pet kaat-kaat kar badaa kiya hai"

Even more senti son: "Boohoo! Aapne apne Tommy oops... Tummy ko kaat diya?"


Freshly disturbed 'abalaa naari': "Yeh sunane se pehale main andhee kyon nahin ho gayee. Yeh dekhane se pehale mere kaan phat kyon nahin gaye! Hey Dharti maan, mujhe apni god mein samaa lo!"

Dharti maan (in a mechanical voice): "Aap qataar mein khadi hain!"


Now, don't ask me which movies these lines are from! Suffice to say that, that these lines were ever spoken proves the concept of parallel universes, some of which you do not have VIP-passes for! :P ;)


  1. Those ever popular dialogue with a twist!! Loved them all.

    "Starved lizard" - what will stupidosaur tell about this?


    This is an EXTREMELY awesome post, Ketan. :)

    You sound like Stupii :D
    Seriously, you do.

    But you missed out on one: Kutte, mai tera khoon pee jaaonga.

    Haha, reallyyyy cool post. A refreshing change from religion, philosophy and the likes. :)

  3. hot girl: "tere ghar me maa-behen nahi hai kya?"

    roadside romeo: "nahi hai ek shaadi me gaye hai...chal ghar chalte hai" ;)

  4. Oh man, I'm so terribly sad...

    I don't understand any of this.

    I feel so left out of the loop.

    Like everyone is cooler than me cos they know what's going on.

    Stop being mean, Ketan.

    Very unfair of you not to translate!

  5. my favourite in recent times was 'tumhara pyaar pyaar, aur humara pyaar sex!?' ah, bollywood! mazza :)

  6. @ Insignia:

    Thanks! And no, I am more worried about what stupid lizard and starved boy would say about this! ;)

    And I hope you got the context for "lambe baal". :)

    @ Srishti:


    Yes, I do philosophical/heavy/analytical posts, but usually I compensate for that by leaving totally nonsense comments!

    Actually, not all of the above parodies are totally original. I had just compiled them in around 10 min on while commenting on Insignia's blog. While compiling, I was not recollecting from any specific source, but especially the "unearth" and the "moth" jokes I might have read somewhere, possibly on Stupidosaur's blog itself. :)

    And yeah, now considering how Stupidosaur has reduced the frequency of publishing new posts, I had to try to keep myself entertained by inventing my own jokes! :P

    After all, Stupidosaur's posts and comments are addictive.


    @ sm:


    blunt edges:

    LOL! Fullto privacy!!!

  7. @ Srishti, again:

    Actually, kutte, kaminey was somewhere at the top of my list, but then it has been done to dog's death! ;)

    @ Dr. S:

    I was actually thinking about you, and how you would not be able to enjoy this post.

    But honestly these are parodies of cliched Hindi movie lines. Firstly, in translation, the flavor would be totally lost, and since you have not watched the original, you would not enjoy the spoof as well.

    Well, I'll still try to translate a few for you.


    Original line: All these are the gifts of the one who dwells above (God).

    Parodied to: All these are the gifts of the one who dwells above; but yes, some of the children are gifts of the neighbors, too.


    There is extremely cliched portrayal of doctors, wherein the (usually female) doctor merely upon auscultating the heart of the patient, declares her to be pregnant. Also, 'Sharma' is a very common North Indian surname.

    So the whole thing has been parodied to:

    Doctor upon merely examining the pulse: "Congratulations Mrs. Sharma, your daughter in law is going to become a mother!"

    Mrs. Sharma: "So what if the hair are long (click), the patient is not my daughter in law, but my son!" :P :P :P


    'Abala naari' roughly translates to 'helpless lady'.

    So, there is another very cliched scene in Hindi movies, where the lady upon coming to know something disturbing (most usually, accusation against her chastity; news of husband's/son's death) utters the following line (and in also covering her ears with her hands in the process - exactly the way I had shown in that gorilla experiment post if you remember):

    "Why did I not become blind before seeing all this? Why did my ears not burst out before hearing this? Oh Mother Earth, please gobble me up!

    And I have parodied it to:

    Freshly disturbed 'abalaa naari': "Why did I not become blind before hearing this? Why did my ears not burst out before seeing this? Oh Mother Earth, please gobble me up!

    Mother Earth (in a mechanical voice): You are in a waiting list (standing in a queue). Please wait your turn.

    Hope this helps. :)


    @ mentalie:

    Welcome to the blog!

    What movie is that line from?

    It is inherently so funny, no need to parody it, I guess!

    And honored to have someone who "contributes" to Uncyclopedia on my blog. Am a great fan of Uncyclopedia. :)

    Take care.

  8. Seriously Funny... oh I think that is an oxymoron but whateve... I saw your message on Insignia's blog and realized this deserves a separate post.. glad you did it :)

    you mind reader by any chance?

  9. Oh yes!!! I did get the context of 'lambe baal'. I somehow stick to 'lambe baal' lines. There's a reason behind it. I chopped my hair off very short and was a tomboy for long long time.
    I decided to stop trimming my hair when I saw a colleague having hip length silky neatly maintained hair. And yes it was a GUY!!! That hit me hard. Now I try hard, but stress, pressure and all that takes a toll....Hence my interest in 'lambe baal'

  10. This makes me happy! :) Thanks for being kind enough to translate ( and explain!) ...Truly hilarious! I love it...big cyber-high-five!

  11. Rolling ..polling..rolling polling... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah :)


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