Vacillation

"His large eyes are just like mine. You can't doubt he's got all his cuteness genes from me! You're jealous!" He teased her trying to keep his voice straight suppressing a chuckle.

"Oh yeah, and who's he got his cute lips from?" She asked sharply, knowing it was only his provocation and yet falling for it.

"Alright, to be fair, his 5% cutitude does come from you. His runny nose is your genetic gift?" He could no longer suppress the grin as his hand covered it, but the mischief still overflowed from his eyes.

"Ranjit!" She rolled up the newspaper and hit it on his head.

"Domestic violence! Stooop!" He shouted. "So now you want me to get physical, huh!" He puffed up in mock anger.

The blow was harder than intended. "Sorry..."

"What sorry! You remember, the last time we'd got physical this way, we ended up getting so wild, I'd to call my office telling them Diarrhea God was preventing me from attending? Too bad, boss has turned atheist as far as Diarrhea God is concerned."

"Ranjit! Stop!" She blushed and laughed. "You're funniest. And the cuuuutest. 100% of his cuteness comes from you! Happy?"

"Hey no, it's unfair. I was just joking. I want a fight, not compliment. Just like the last time, I wanna get physical! I'm feeling horn..."

"Shh... I can't fight you. That's your punishment for being sooo adorable." She placed a finger on his lip as she kissed him on the cheek...

She felt the same warmth in her cheeks today that she had 13 years ago. She smiled as she looked at young Ronit's large eyes peering from the photo in her hand and remembered their mock fight.

She wondered how strange memories were. She had never imagined she could muster enough courage to revisit them after their divorce. But here she was, revisiting those very memories, and yet they filled her with a glow. She wondered if Ranjit still remembered her. If he still looked at the old photos and smiled.

She decided the question was redundant. Memories were shared, but happiness was hers alone. After all, he was the one who had abandoned her. Happiness borrowed from memories was no less real, she realized today.

With fears now dissolved, she decided not to warn Ronit of pains of love. She smiled looking at his silly grin, lost in his own fantasies, and wondered how to ask him about his first crush who caused that grin, as he turned 14 today.

Yes, love was worth it. She decided as she shut the photo album.

I just like all THIS. So I post all this just like THAT!

Take a look at the two new widgets at the top of my left sidebar.

Thanks! Not for looking, but your comments!

Of course, I am not entirely convinced by the numbers shown. Especially, TUIB's low 'score'! ;)

Whenever I look at my blog, I feel satisfied by at least one thing--comments have largely been sincere.

There have been numerous arguments and disagreements, but honestly, they have only reassured me that those thus commenting had not simply glossed over ideas presented in my posts. That those ideas had been able to stir something in the reader to induce them to engage them with at least some thoughtfulness. Of course sometimes, those very dissenting/different thoughts have given me something new to think about, and made me see the World in an altered way.

There have also been posts with comments full of frivolity. And am glad, they were expected to be like that! :)

Some might ask me, do I care for comments? Yes, I do.

I am not one of those inclined to instantaneously put pen to paper (even if so in the 'virtual' maze of electrons being thrashed around) owing to a spontaneous outpouring of my passions. This could probably be because of a high 'turnover rate' of my emotions! Meaning, new emotions keep on displacing the older ones very quickly, which would not allow any single emotion to exert sufficient influence on my ego (click; second meaning) to make me write about it! Okay, bad theory! Though some posts, to my own suprise, have been emotional outbursts as well!

So, I do not write in isolation. I do expect that my ideas find readers--not (necessarily) with same ideas as mine, but those who would have thought on the very same issues, if not before, at least after reading!

Yes, I do look forward to comments on my posts!

To end this post, I would only say that my blog has become a very integral part of my life, which I had never imagined when publishing my first few posts.

And very suprisingly, it has brought me in contact with a few people, who I could safely call my 'friends'! A few wonderful people who I truly value today for reasons more than one, and who I would have not known, had it not been for this medium. I am overwhelmed, and to them I could only say, though it would sound cliched on my blog:

Thanks for existing! And also for letting me know that you did. :)

My flirtation with Wikipedia

While I have been keeping very busy, and am unlikely to post anything substantial for some time, I thought, I would provide link to my Wikipedia user page (click) that I had developed after lot of effort without any real knowledge of HTML. Of course back then, I had been able to develop it only by analyzing a lot of others' users pages, and tweaking them through trial and error.

Also, almost unknown to many of you, I had been a very avid contributor (click) to Wikipedia articles. But had to tear away myself from that web site, especially editing it, only since it was so very addictive and hampering my studies (not unlike blogging ;) ).

There is an article I had created and brought to its current status almost entirely on my own, including making several diagrams. On searching for 'polyclonal response' on major search engines, that article is the first result one gets. Here (click). It enjoys the status of a 'Good article' on Wikipedia, which means by quality and reliability as judged by a stringent peer review, it is 1 among every 403 articles.

Also, I had singlehandedly created an article on a very important topic called 'lymph', which a year back used to get almost 700 to 1000 hits in a day, or more! Same with articles on 'B cell' and 'lymphatic system', to which I had made significant contributions.

It has been more than a year I have made any significant edits to Wikipedia, and was feeling nostalgic. And not to forget, once a Wikipedian is always a Wikipedian. :) So, I wanted to share these things with a few readers who visit my blog. Somehow though contributing to Wikipedia has not brought me any glory or provided with career boost, I feel very content to have added something to the World's knowledge-base. I have used Wikipedia extensively, and have always felt deeply indebted to those anonymous contributors who have been enriching my life through their knowledge and writings, with no material rewards in return, except for the satisfaction of sharing their knowledge systematically.

If any of you feel you are an expert/well read person in anything under the Sun (and beyond), please do share your knowledge through Wikipedia. :)

Kya jaanoon sajan?...

I have incidentally never discussed music on my blog, and apart from this one, I do have a few other posts in my mind, which I might publish subject to availability of time!

Through this post, I want to express my unsurpassed admiration for one song--'Kya janoon sajan'. Apart from having a most hauntingly painful melody, what I like the best about this song is its sensitive, yet teasing lyrics. This song has my favorite lyrics of all the Bollywood songs that I know of.

So, I'll be largely discussing the lyrics of this song, and my interpretation of them. I'll be giving a very literal English translation of the song, so no wonder, the lyrics will sound weird! ;) Also, since I've heard more often the newer version of the song from the movie--"Dil vil Pyaar vyaar", so would be discussing here the verses in the same sequence as in the newer version, in which the order of stanzas has been changed.

क्या जानूं सजन | Kyaa jaanoon saja | What do I know
होती है क्या ग़म की श्याम |Hoti hai kya gham ki shyaam | What is a dusk of despair
जल उठे सौ दिए | jal uthe sau diye | A hundred lamps got lit up
जब लिया तेरा नाम... | jab liya tera naam... | When I uttered your name...

I believe the above stanza is quite self-explanatory!

जब से मिली नज़र | Jab se milee nazar | Since when we had exchanged glances
माथे पे बन गए | maathe pe ban gaye | have become on my forehead
बिंदिया नयन तेरे | Bindiya nayan tere | Bindi (click) your eyes
देखो सजाना | Dekho sajana | Oh see, my dear!

Since, your eyes have fallen on me, your love has become a constant presence in my conscious, and just like a Bindi can be made out by any onlooker!

धर ली जो प्यार से | Dhar li jo pyaar se | When you had held with love
मेरी कलाइयां | Meri kalaaiyaan | My wrists
पिया, तेरी उंगलियाँ | Piya, teri ungaliyaan | Dear, your fingers
हो गई कंगना | Ho gaee kanganaa | Have become bracelet

Beloved, since when you had held my hand, I can constantly feel your presence in everything I do, though not restraining me in any way.

Kya janoon sajan...

-----

काँटों में मैं खड़ी | Kaanton mein main khadi | Standing in thorns
नैनों के द्वार पे | Nainon ke dwaar pe | At the threshold of my eyes
निसदिन बहार के | Nis din bahaar ke | Every day, of spring
देखूं सपने | Dekhoon sapne | Do I watch dreams

Standing in a barren land (that is, without anyone's love), among thorns (eyelashes?), I dream of spring (your love) with utmost eagerness (at the threshold of eyes--indicating the eagerness of wait?)


The following lines are most ambiguous and difficult to interpret because of a very unusual kind of inversion:

चेहरे की धूल क्या | Chehre ki dhool kya | The dust on my face [1]
चंदा की चांदनी | Chanda ki chaandni | The radiance of Moon [2]
उतरी तो रह गई | Utari to reh gayi | Persisted, when dropped off [3]
मुख पे अपनी | Mukh pe apni | On my face [4]

The ambiguity arises because line 3 can be associated with either 1 or 2.

Clubbing 3 with 1 gives:

The moment the dust on my face dropped off, the radiance of Moon was left on my face. This can be interpreted to mean, that " O' beloved, the moment I stopped looking at my barren surroundings and thought about you, my entire being had become a reflection of, and my face reflected your radiance."


Clubbing 3 and 2 gives:

"O' beloved, the moment I stopped mooning over you, I realized my stark reality, and my entire being was covered in the thirst that the desert around has come to represent--the dust that settled on my face."


By the way, another blogger had done a post on her interpretation of this song here (click).

Conflict of realizations

"It makes you cry so much? You'd loved so much!" Distant gaze. Contented smile. "I feel so happy! So fulfilled!"


"Quiet, Mukesh!"


"I find fulfillment in your loss? And you're my dearest! I'm so cruel no, Mridula?"

His eye let go of that reluctant tear. Like his body was to let go of that life...

Futuristic!

A few months back I was watching a documentary based on the book The Elegant Universe, and in one of the sections, the concept of a wormhole, which would basically enable one to move from one point in space time to another through connecting tunnels was being discussed. The simplest consequence of presence of such wormholes for the lesser humans who are not physicists would be the ability to travel from the two connected points without spending any time! This, if ever is to be a reality, would take very long, say at least two hundred years from now. The presenter of the program, Brian Greene, was apparently very excited about this possibility as he would be able to travel from his residence to his workplace (both in New York) in "no time" (quite literally!). Excited, yes he ought to be at such possibility. But two hundred years from now (at the earliest)? Not sure.

Though, the program was excellent in its analogies and gripping for how it dealt with widely disparate schools of physics, from classical, through, quantum physics and general relativistic physics to the theory that has been receiving mixed reactions at the possibility of being a "the Theory of Everything"-- the Strings Theory, which attempts to basically combine quantum physics (which deals with the forces acting at relatively short distances, i.e., subatomic level, viz., electric, magnetic and strong nuclear and weak nuclear forces) and general relativistic physics (which gives a very accurate description of the only force acting at long distances--the force of gravity).

Well those details are not the purpose of this post. What that fantasy of traveling in no time made me think was how in taking a futuristic view of the world around us, we tend to take a very limited view of the spheres in which the human life would change due to the development of new technologies. I feel, quite obviously, that it's not just technology based on physics and engineering would evolve radically. The human race would also have benefit of advances in medical sciences, neurology, nutrition, human psychology, communications, etc. All these technological advances cannot occur in isolation; they are bound to have some (at least) implications on the very essence our lives would hold for us. Issues like what purpose does life hold for us, what/who is admirable, the need for human intelligence, the extent of communication between humans, human aspirations, average lifespan, the type of prevalent medical disorders, the nature of day-to-day problems and conflicts would all have changed beyond recognition by that time.

The first question that came to my mind when Brian Greene made that statement about traveling through wormholes, was would we need to travel? Then, would we need to work? What would be the nature of that work? How many of us would really need to work?

Picture this: you get up in the morning, and pop a pill that has all the nutrients that you'd require for the day. You're seated in a chair, and an apparatus (let's call it Experience Simulator or Expulator) aims light beams at your brain that make you experience whatever you want to. This is the 126^th year of your life, and if the Expulator detects that you don't have adequate desire to live on, it will aim beam at some specific neurons that would fill your brain with the desire to live. It might also consult with some database to confirm if you're really required by the human race in any capacity in which you could contribute, or if in terms of cost-benefit ratio, if you'd still be desirable any longer to the human race! Or if your contract to live had expired! (More about this later, though)

All the infectious agents would have been eliminated, ageing would have been stalled or retarded to such a rate that there would be a real possibility for the majority of people to "get bored" of their lives. And needless to say, there would be no medical disorders.

No experience would require you to leave your chair--be it of playing in the ground, having your favorite food, some violent outlet just for the kicks of it, or one of those kinky fantasies. Nothing would be out of bounds. No doubt, everyone would be happy and content or whatever they'd want to feel at any given moment. One could also not argue that these "experiences" would be artificial as they'd be produced through the same mechanism by which we experience "reality" as we know it today(!), i.e., stimulation at the appropriate synapses.

One could question, would the Expulator be available to all?

I believe, any technology becomes widely accessible (in terms of both rate of production and the purchasing power owing to its affordable cost) a long time after its advent. This itself would ensure universal accessibility.

Okay, returning to the original question, would you require to travel? No, of course not! Think of all the reasons to travel:

1. To do work. With such advanced technology, you certainly won't require separate workplace to work at.
2. To meet someone. You could always switch on the Expulator, and meet that someone just sitting in the chair.
3. To visit a place. Now don't make me count what all your Expulator could do!

But I think I've left out so many significant issues. The human race could know by that time, what it means to be perfect. Perfect brains and perfect bodies would be order of the day or the century. Any aberration would simply be a manufacturing defect! Would we really require to work? What would be the incentive to work? Remember: though difficult it is to imagine it without having your very own Expulator, it could make you feel and experience any and everything that you'd like to experience. It would make you feel tired, sleepy; it could give you the same pleasure as discovering a new galaxy! Basically, it could make you feel that you work! My guess, is the incentive to work would be actually knowing something more. Developing better Expulators, synthesizing more and more experiences to enrich Expulator's database, continued fight against infectious agents, protecting the human race from real dangers, like comets, asteroids, aliens(!). But why would someone work, if the Expulator could simply make the right neurons of the reward center in your brain fire at will? Out of sense of duty? Would it become incumbent on a few to do some compulsory thinking as decided by some lottery system?

But the most important question that arises is what would be the incentive to live? I'm not sure, how horrifying it sounds to the reader--this piece of my fantasy is from a very sterile point of view. I, though, find the picture quite complete save the minor details like how electricity would be produced; how that nutritious pill would be produced; how ageing would be stalled; how the infectious agents would be eliminated (believe me, this is the most likely spoiler in my fantasy of a "perfect" future!), what would happen to other species? Would everyone have equal status in the human race as all would be perfect, and by extension, effectively identical? What would be the effect of knowing that all the experiences are simulated at will? That there's no external (to one's most personal aspirations for one's life) purpose to life, other than the continuation of the human race, which in turn would have or may not have any purpose depending upon how one views the role of human race in the affairs of the Universe, and if one feels that the Universe is "supposed" to be some way or the other.

Is there something missing in this picture that's rendering it incomplete? God, may I propose? The purpose of life could be known to God. What if God had a purpose that we don't know of? What if I/we end our lives, and it turns out to be one horrible mistake? So, why take chances and just not live on? As it is what's the harm of living, more so with the Expulator around?

The person who smokes knows that the "kick" they get out of smoking is nothing but nicotine doing its wonders. Does that make them quit? Ditto for cocaine, alcohol, or morphine. Does this sound similar to our Expulator? May be. I really don't know. Life, as I always say, indeed, is addictive.

It would be amusing to know what it would be like to "live" in such a world. And it also amuses me to realize I won't exist to verify it for myself!

PS: Surprisingly, I didn't require an Expulator for this piece of armchair philosophical fantasizing!

A Journey called Life

Every one has dreams, ambitions. I am no different. If an ambition can be likened to reaching the peak of a mountain, then yes, there were times when I wanted to climb atop a mountain that would have brought me glory, and may be, also given me satisfaction. But then, that was the past. I used to see the mountain through my limited vision. It is only the peak that was visible. Not visible was the path that led to that top-  or rather, what I thought to be the path. When we' are young with equally narrow visions, we think straight. We think it is simple - start walking in the direction of the peak, climb where the turf is steep, and don't stop.

As I "grew up" I realized that it is not only me who wished to reach the mountain top, and however hard one tries, one's path is going to be crisscrossed by others' paths. What was unknown to me was the fact that what our limited vision shows us is only the mountain top, and many times not even where we are standing at that time. Even if a lucky few among us can make out where they are standing, it does not guarantee that they could see THAT path that could actually lead them to the top.

Somehow it is so incorporated in the ways of the world, that what others can see is: from where a (successful) person starts, and where is he now (that is, the top of the mountain), but not how he got there. Maybe he might have pushed a few people down on his way to the top. May be, a few people who could not make it were equally or more capable, but tried to climb from the wrong side of the mountain as their vision did not give them a panoramic view; may be they would have reached had it not been for bad weather which no one could predict; may be they missed it all because of one wrong footing; may be they reached there when that mountain was not discovered and no one attached glory to actually "conquer" it; may be when they reached, no one actually saw them reach there and so no praises were sung; may be... And then, a few very lucky ones could take a chopper up there. No such luck with me.

With realization of a few of these facts I began to ponder what is the fun in trying to climb atop a mountain where factors other than sheer talent and determination could play major roles? Is it really worth? I have a limited life; is it really worth climbing up and to be remembered for a day or two, in highly amnestic public memory? No. Does it mean I will never climb up a mountain? No, I will, if situation demands, but the mountain would have to be a "check point" to reach somewhere; that "somewhere", which would be more interesting, irrespective of whether or not reaching there would be a matter of pride, or if laurels would be showered upon me on reaching there.

I realized that "success" as we know it, is different for everyone. Just because climbing atop a mountain is difficult, does not mean I have to try reaching there. Neither just because everyone thinks that those who are able to reach there are "successful". Eventually success, just like life, has to be a journey. One should feel content at the end. If a lake with scenic beauty impresses me more, there is nothing wrong in sitting there, taking in all the beauty that its environs have to offer. Who knows if the mountain peak could be quite barren! To make sure one would have to climb up to the top. So, why take chances...


Alas! Even when was I decided I liked the lake more than the mountain peak, I was still young, with a wider vision, but yet not wide enough. To simply survive is not life, but definitely to be alive one needs to survive. The demands of life extend beyond: where one wants to reach at the end. To tread the path also one requires "resources" - food, clothing, shelter, and what not. Unfortunately, like fruits hung on trees, these resources are not always available on the path we take - at least not on the trees that border the path we wish to take. You may have to go a bit deep into the wilderness that flanks your path. And, even there you realize it is not only you who wants those fruits. Others have already plucked quite a few of them. You end up spending most of the time plucking fruits rather than walking on your path.

And then there are some, who choose a path that has fruit-laden trees everywhere - not really thinking where the path leads. Rather, it is not some, but the majority.
Well, that is what life is like. I think the happiest are those, who, as is obviously stated by many, are able to enjoy the journey, pluck fruits when needed, and not try to hoard too much out of their paranoia, or sadistic pleasure of not letting others have them; nor are those happy who totally forget about the fruits they have to collect, and get lost in their way, and perish - unknown to any one...