Monday, March 2, 2009
22 comments:
Well-articulated disagreement would be a very good indicator that I was understood, and would be appreciated more than perfunctory agreement or praise. But of course, you could agree and praise...
Important disclaimer: The views expressed in comments by visitors to this blog do not necessarily enjoy my endorsement. Though I believe, practically, the comments' space of this blog belongs entirely to the readers and that I must not regulate it, I might delete comments that are insulting to other people, or if they are of violent nature.
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Well, this is somewhat different from the usual style of short stories that I usually like to read but I still did enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting how you have meshed coincidence with human emotions, and the tone is also wonderful.
I'd like to talk more with you about the story, but I think posting comments can get tiring. My email is antaraanand@gmail, so I'd love to see a mail from you soon.
Well, replying here is just perfunctory. Yet, I'd like a clarification--is it just that you like stories written in different style, or even the issues they touch upon? Thanks!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAs i started reading the story, thought this was some kind of medico-sci-fi, because of the futuristic setting..but later on i realized that the it was done to insert relieving trivia like Indo-China 20-20 and "Main abhi bhi hoon na"..otherwise the entire proceedings sounded very contemporary..
ReplyDeleteThen as i read on, i felt that this was another story of regaining old love. But it wasnt. I really liked the character Mukesh. His perception of love is so pure. So selfless. He is a gem of a character. I dont know if such goodness exists in reality. The way he handled the situation post-divorce was very mature. This concept is very soothing, very reassuring. However, i have a complaint with your narration. I found it to be a bit too long. To the extend of a bore at some occassions. I think you delved upon unnecessary details at some places, especially the medical details.
Also I found the telephonic conversation between Mukesh and Rukmani a bit artificial and insipid. They were talking after a long hiatus and the conversation failed to reflect any emotional intensity.
Further, I failed to understand somethings. How did Geeta and Mukesh became so intimate, given her initial displeasure with him? And, was the character of Shipra necessary to convey the mental tension of Mridula? The only thing the character did was to prolong the story.
I liked the way it ended. Your structuring was also good. The titles given for chapters were apt. Overall, its a decent effort. The idea was really good. The story would have been more cherishable, if the narration was a bit more interesting and tight.
On a lighter note: Also astonished to see that the omnipresent Malayalis havent spared your blog space too.
salute to your stamina of goin on writing....
ReplyDeletenice feel of the story
Speedosopher,
ReplyDeleteSalute to your stamina of going on reading. :) This is the last thing I expect anyone to read without a bit of prodding.
Though I could take your comment to mean, "what a long-drawn, crawling story" you've written, I'll interpret your comment verbatim. That'd be good for my ego ;)
Thanks for reading and dropping by your comment!
TC.
Intricately and thoughtfully woven.
ReplyDeleteIn short, I loved it. To be honest, I prefer this to your short posts, to be honest, I loved your choice of words, the titles, the actual idea, the prologue. Especially this:
.. I respected her. That’s such a lame word for what I was...passive.
Keep at it, hon :)
~B
NM,
ReplyDelete"To be honest..." you'd to say that twice in such a short post? I hope being honest in commenting wasn't that difficult ;)
Well, I wouldn't have liked you to read this story as I was going to spruce it up in a month after that exam.
But on a heartening note, now you'd be able to relate to my latest post--'Conflict of realizations' a bit better.
Thanks for the compliment! This is one piece that's foremost in my mind when I call my posts labored.
TC.
Hey finally got leisure time to read the Long short story..
ReplyDeleteand someone called my short story long..
it is really nice. i liked how Rukmani had forced obedience on herself to make "Them" feel guilty. and she did it.
Loved Mukesh's character. though it seems a bit too good to be true still i find it is possible. when someone loves somebody that much hate does not have a place.
Mrs. Geetha.. she played the typical parent... seen almost in every home. for whom society and "what other's will say is far more important than the children's happiness."
ok i agree she wanted the best for her daughter.. but for that she must atlest have met the guy. and if he was really not suitable then very well reject him. but she didn't even bother to do that.
at the end she blamed everything on God saying she was just a conveyer. such a typical escapist.
loved the way the story got At and after Newyork.
Ketan,
ReplyDeleteThis story feels so familiar. I felt Mridula's anger. I felt Mukesh's personality. I experienced his past and present love for both women. I felt my skin crawl when Mrs. Geeta hung up. Brilliant. I loved every bit of it. The Kapanikova and Surrukh was corny! Keep it coming!
Cheers,
Vishwas
Uh-oh, Vishwas!
ReplyDeleteHow did you reach this post? This is the older version of my latest post, which is just this same story, with few aspects made clearer, adding spaces between paragraphs to make reading easier, and replacing some verbiose lines with crisper ones. So ideally, I'd liked you to read that version.
But thanks a lot, anyway for withstanding such a long and unexciting story! And also managing to pass compliment for it!
And, Kapanikova and SurRakh were Kourni and not corny, okay? ;)
TC.
Ketan,
ReplyDeleteHahaha well I just clicked on the link which opened the original version! Anyway since the story is the same it doesn't make much of a difference reading the new one!
Long definitely yes but unexciting hell no! But again I recalled the story line this morning and I felt the thought flow wasn't steady in a few places. I just felt had the thought flow been steady throughout, the story would have had that charm/glow not that it lacks that totally or partially! Do let me know if that didn't make sense to you!
My idea of story writing is to try to keep the story as real as possible. But then again, that's just my opinion and my opinion[s] might suck! Lol
The India Vs China match part was a bit funny I thought! Oh and yes yes you are right, it was kourni! Lol :P
Cheers,
Vishwas
Vishwas,
ReplyDeleteI perfectly understand the flow of thoughts-part. Maybe, you also mean flow the narration by that. But I'd still like you to point out the parts/paragraphs where you found the flow lacking or story taking very abrupt leaps.
Well, I too like stories that take off from reality, and not get totally detached from it. If were merely describing reality, then, it would no more remain fiction!
Also, what one considers 'real' depends upon what experiences one has had in life. To a psychiatrist, a patient complaining of having two computers inside his head would be real (this is a 'real' case!), whereas to others who've not encountered such patients, such an account would feel like cooked up fairy tale. So, in that sense, I don't think of any of the characters in my story as unreal--yes, statistically, such people are few, but they're not nonexistent. And now one criterion for reality is--as long as some law of physics is not violated! ;) Yet, I'm also like you to point out the parts that you found unreal.
Thanks a lot for the feedback. It might help me with my next story that I've started, but not sure when would I be able to complete it (if at all!).
And in the meantime, if you want to get a taste of some really 'unlikely', but not impossible stuff, this (click) is it.
And if you don't mind going through something completely impossible, that (click) too is here!
TC.
Ketan,
ReplyDeleteWell I just felt in a few places, the thought flow was a bit abrupt! But it needn't be a smooth transition either!
One instance I can recall without re-reading the story is when Mukesh flies to NY! I just felt that was an abrupt development. I maybe wrong mind you!
Fiction is much more interesting when reality is used in moderate quantities. Too much of it makes it boring. Too little, well, nothing special!
And as for the 'real' part, I can't say much! :P
Oh don't thank me. Just transfer the money into my account! :P That'll suffice! :D
Yes I shall go through both and let you know soon! Its like asking a drunkard, "Would you like to taste Scotch or Brandy!" :P
Cheers,
Vishwas
Hi Vishwas!
ReplyDeleteWell, in the newer version, the part easing into Mukesh's trip to NY had been changed slightly. You'd be a good judge to see if the newer version seems more palatable.
Let me first accumulate some money in my own account. Money should also not flow from lower potential to higher potential, afterall! ;)
Oh, that's a very spirited analogy. :P
TC.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteKetan,
ReplyDeleteAlright, I shall re-read the new story soon. And thanks for considering me a good judge! Lol I hope you weren't tipsy or stoned when you said that! :P Just kidding!
Well whatever makes you think I'm at a higher financial potential! :P Either way I feel rich! Lol
Yeah and lets keep up the spirit!!
Cheers [!]
Vishwas
Vishwas,
ReplyDeleteThe newer version is hardly different from the older one. Just it's readability is better.
The parts that are different are:
1. The last paragraph of chapter 1.
2. The argument between Rukmini and parents.
3. The phone conversation between Mukesh and Rukmini, and some part before that.
4. Conversation between Mukesh and Rukmini at the restaurant--especially, Rukmini tries to cite her then reasons as to why she'd broken up with him instead of going against her parents.
If I remember correctly, that's all that's different.
What I meant by your being a good judge was being in better position to judge impact of the changes than me, as it's who's written both the versions! You'll be considered good at judgement in the same proportion as you bring out relevant issues with any of my work! And, I'm happy you're doing good job of that.
I never knew it was in me to make someone feel rich!
'Stoned' is to have abused certain narcotic drug, right?
TC.
I am speechless, so much to absorb from the story.... before i make a commnent
ReplyDeleteI could not find comment from 'cilla' or ur reply to it....am i missing something here,
Hello, ma'am (IWW--the acronym for you! :) ).
ReplyDeleteThanks! I'm extremely sorry if this is the link that I gave you.
You'll find the said comments here (click).
You might have reached this page by clicking on the link leading to this older version of the story.
The version on the front page is the slightly more refined version than this one.
TC.
Considering popular norms, why do you call this a short story? I prefer to call this a Novella.
ReplyDeleteAnd, leave the subject, the atheist in you shows its rigidity in your narration. What I believe is that writing fiction is a process that touches the heart, if not soul, of the author. Because, it is all imagination. And imagination is not calculation or speculation. I think imagination is something that is more connected with the interaction of numerous cosmic elements that reign far beyond the limited realms of atheism. Sorry, I am not in for a debate.
Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the blog (if it's for the first time you're here)!
Actually, your implication that this story when written was not heart-felt, constitutes a personal attack on my sincerity, and hence somewhat warrants a defence. But the very unfortunate thing is, you've not made a single point that is related to this story! Yes, except of course, that its length makes it a novelette, or possibly, a novella. But then, I'd not been aware of this classification when publishing this post. And if you'd see the revised version, there I've not used the term 'short story'. But I hope my ignorance of word count-based classification of literary works did not aggravate you too much. And if it did, then it was not intended. So, unintended, insincere and totally perfunctory apologies to you! ;)
You also did not point out where in the story were complex calculations and speculations involved. But I also wonder if the antonym of speculation could be conviction. How does absolute conviction in anything lend itself to imagination? Rather quite ironically, the moment someone knows something 'for sure', it ceases to be imagination! Oh sorry, I used my brain! :P What to do, sometimes I just can't help it. :(
All you've attacked is my lack of belief in the existence of God despite the fact that one of the very conscientious characters in the story was a very a firm believer! And also since this is not the appropriate post to do it, I would not try to disprove here that God exists.
But then you've been kind enough by stating you were not here for debate, which greatly relieves me since, I anyway don't have time for it! But which makes me wonder what were you here for!!!
Also could you kindly clarify, what do you mean by "imagination... is the interaction of numerous cosmic elements that reign far beyond the limited reigns of atheism"? Am I to gather, if I do not write about galaxies, asteroids, stars, planets (all are cosmic elements), it is not imagination? Well, if that indeed is the case, then my imagination is fairly limited to more earthly matters. :)
On a very serious note, as I've stated in comments' form's message, readers are encouraged to disagree, but sorry I do not respect your opinion, simply because you yourself don't respect it, as is amply demonstrated by your disowning it in the garb of anonymity.
Thanks for not engaging me in a debate, and making my blog a bit more exciting!
TC.