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Monologue:
Don't you stare, Moti.
It's not my fault. You made me mad. You resisted.
You didn't have to whine like dog that you anyway are [sobs]...Were.
This knife was not to scrape your heart; just cut your leg...only one for today. But you resisted.
Hey mom, up there? Happy? Rajesh Motilal Patil...orphaned?
*In some parts of India, people use thier complete name, like First name Father's name Surname.
Well-articulated disagreement would be a very good indicator that I was understood, and would be appreciated more than perfunctory agreement or praise. But of course, you could agree and praise...
Important disclaimer: The views expressed in comments by visitors to this blog do not necessarily enjoy my endorsement. Though I believe, practically, the comments' space of this blog belongs entirely to the readers and that I must not regulate it, I might delete comments that are insulting to other people, or if they are of violent nature.
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now dis i like...so dis is wat uve been upto in delhi...go out n get laid!!!
ReplyDeleteYeah, I thought you'd like this.
ReplyDeleteNow don't get morally elevated and all that! Have been studying. Like my parents you just need an excuse to scold me, so that I don't scold you first? Re: getting laid: I'm pretty laid-back anyway.
You'd like to do 55-fiction?
TC.
I am not good at understanding these... Please explain !! What does the last line mean??? How orphaned? Who orphaned?? So Moti is not a dog - I think I go that correct..
ReplyDeleteRajesh kills his dad Motilal, and is left orphaned. His mom is already dead. Both Rajesh and Moti were humans!
ReplyDeletewell tell u wat ders still a bit f loni in u....aftral a loni-ite cn crack dis
ReplyDeleteHi Nitesh!
ReplyDeleteWell, I thought all the facts in the plot were pretty apparent. It's not that 55-fiction is supposed to be mysterious. Rather to the contrary, it's supposed to have a resolution.
Loni-ite, LOL. A true-blue Loni-ite was also supposed to gather that Rajesh was simply intoxicated by all that formalin in the dissection hall! Did you get that?
Anyway, welcome to my blog! TC.
ok...ill try one 55fiction...
ReplyDeletethe last of the superheroes.
he is drinking beer when his son walks in. he says - son, its time for you to fly. but father, i cant fly! i cant fly! tears runs down his cheek as he thinks - im the last of the superhereos. he doesnt want to fly. how stupid i look wearing my underwear over my tights!
LOL! Nice!
ReplyDeleteGo get yourself another blog and get laid!
@your 55er, this is stuff legends are made of!
TC.
hey, this 55 fiction isnt that bad...i thought of so many new ideas...its like ekta kapoor's serials..think of a one line story (but dont make 1000 fucking episodes on it!)
ReplyDeleteAlpez, I'd thought you'd like this idea of 55er. And be a bit soft, what if she actually hears you! TC.
ReplyDeleteNice one there.
ReplyDeleteThought the disclaimer sort of gives it away.
But loved it none-the-less. :D
Aniket,
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the blog. Thanks! What exactly are you referring to as disclaimer? "animal lovers will approve", or the info about Moti as name of set dogs and the use of complete name?
You could go through other 55ers. which are not as sinister, though. Other posts are on the analytical side.
TC.
I meant the info that moti as a name...
ReplyDeleteBut I understand that it was necessary to establish a clear understanding. Its one of thse necessary evils. :)
Yes, I felt any nonIndia would be at loss if not given that kind of background. Though, no nonIndian actually seems to have read the 55ers ;) Also, North Indians don't use their complete name that way. TC.
ReplyDeleteWOW! this is amazing! though I agree that the info about the use of the word "moti" did give it away but it was a very powerfull piece non the less.
ReplyDeleteKapila, thanks!
ReplyDeleteWell, now I've put that small note at the end of the 55er hoping it doesn't spoil the suspense for future readers, if any!
OH My God.
ReplyDeleteIf I were rude enough, I'd say "What is WRONG with you?"
This, as you say, is really, really...Dark.
What was your inspiration, I'd like to know.
Srishti,
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked(?!) it.
I've always maintained fiction is as much admirable as based on imagination, rather than reality. And thus, this work is one I'm most proud of. I've not seen this kind of cruelty ever. So, it's entirely imaginary. Though, overall content-wise this story is total crap.
Such work stems from the awareness of power of (ab)use of words.
I'd tried to play on the mind of the reader. First, to make the reader convinced that a dog was killed. The killing was described clinically. I wasn't explicit. I left the imagination part of cutting of dog's leg to the reader 'cuz I know reader's imaginative visualization of the knife gradually cutting through the leg cannot be rivaled by my description. In many other such stories I read things like '200 mL blood was splattered', etc., which rather serves to limit the reader's imagination. Then one more device used is gradual escalation of brutality. First, cutting of leg, then indicating that the protagonist's plan was much more sinister. Cutting one leg, then next on another day!
But of course, the final stroke was to reveal that one killed was not dog, but the protagonist's father. The protagonist had feelings of hatred, regret, redemption--all at the same time. Then, if the reader would have the remembrance of the title of the story--that would be one more shock--that a dog was not killed!
But of course, the greatest challenge is 55 words!
So, writing these stories doesn't require any real world inspiration. Rather, what it requires is to know how the reader's mind works, and what effect certain words can have.
Whereas in 'bad timing' I didn't want to portray any physical violence. It was also cruel, but cruelty was of different nature. For someone in deep trouble, the most fortunate thing could be hope. The protagonist sees hope in immense love Anjali had conveyed in her first love letter. But, the most cruel thing that can happen is irreversible crushing of that very hope, and that's what I did by killing (the character of) Anjali. All this happens in light of protagonist regaining (rather than feeling it for the first time) infinite love for her. That's what results in impact. So, I write 55ers keeping the reader's psyche in mind, whereas, works like 'residua', poems like 'duel' are written purely with what I have in mind.
Hope all this helps if you decide to write fiction someday (it's high time!) ;)
TC.
PS: Thanks for the compliment!
I was made to believe this was about a superhero..sadistic murder story-writer..:P
ReplyDeleteBut I still like it! :)
TUIB,
ReplyDeleteYou were "made" to believe, huh?
See, you're turning prejudiced about my tastes. :P And, hence the suprise! ;)
Happy prejudicing ;)
TC.
clever boy, you! :P
ReplyDelete