"It makes you cry so much? You'd loved so much!" Distant gaze. Contented smile. "I feel so happy! So fulfilled!"
"Quiet, Mukesh!"
"I find fulfillment in your loss? And you're my dearest! I'm so cruel no, Mridula?"
His eye let go of that reluctant tear. Like his body was to let go of that life...
Saturday, May 30, 2009
30 comments:
Well-articulated disagreement would be a very good indicator that I was understood, and would be appreciated more than perfunctory agreement or praise. But of course, you could agree and praise...
Important disclaimer: The views expressed in comments by visitors to this blog do not necessarily enjoy my endorsement. Though I believe, practically, the comments' space of this blog belongs entirely to the readers and that I must not regulate it, I might delete comments that are insulting to other people, or if they are of violent nature.
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Thanks Ketan for visiting my blog and leaving nice comment.Thank you for pointing out my mistakes.I will be mindful of my punctuations.I hope to see you again. Have a great weekend.
ReplyDeleteWelcome Gigi!
ReplyDeleteGlad you didn't mind the feedback I gave.
I look forward to your feedback, too!
TC.
A very touching post with stark emotions. Only a content life could let you pass with a smile on your face. Good job.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Amit! Very accurate interpretation of the story. TC.
ReplyDeleteKetan - are you ok? I've picked up a suicide them from these last two 55-ers!
ReplyDeleteDon't do it!
"Don't do it!"
ReplyDeleteDr. S, I'll think about it!
Actually in the previous post, Peter Keating kills Gail Waynand; Gail wanted to commit suicide, but is unsuccessful as his gun jams. You'll understand the plot only if you'd have read 'The Fountainhead'.
In the current post, 'Mridula' (name of the wife/girlfriend) had just come to know that 'Mukesh' was to die in some time to come, and seeing her cry, Mukesh feels a kind of contentment/happiness that someone considered him that valuable to cry so much on his prospective demise. It's that realization that manifests as a contented smile. But then when he realizes, how much pain his death's going to cause the one if loved the most, if too started crying. So at least, the current story didn't have suicide as its theme :)
This idea was a very strong one, and I was not very inclined to to restrict myself to 55 words. But then I eventually ended up doing so :(. 55 words couldn't do justice to what I wanted to put across.
Thanks for the concern and comments! Hope you're having a great time.
TC.
*But then when he realizes, how much pain his death's going to cause the one he loved the most, he too started crying.
ReplyDelete55 fiction?
ReplyDeleteunforgiven, you could see my blog's sidebar to know more.
ReplyDeleteAh okay, I did a few too.
ReplyDeleteThis one is good.
Thanks, unforgiven.
ReplyDeletephew.
ReplyDeletefinally its not about ayn rand.
you make me feel ignorant, sometimes.
rest of the times, Im just drunk ;)
so, wait.
ReplyDeletethere could be 2 interpretations.
did he commit suicide in front of her?
or did he kill her?
deluded, not your fault at all. This' one story I didn't really want to restrict to 55 words. Yes, after you pointed out, I realized, things are too hazy to be seen the way I want them presented.
ReplyDeleteNo, I'd originally intended Mukesh and Mridula both to know that he was to die of natural causes. And seeing her sorrow at his prospective death he realizes how much she'd loved him. The feeling of being loved that deeply makes him feel fulfilled in some way. But the next moment he realizes the pain she was to experience on losing him, and the fact that the one he himself loved so deeply was to feel that pain makes him cry, too.
Ideally, this story would've taken around 120 words. Might do an unabridged version one of these days. I truly appreciate your sincerity. Thanks!
TC.
No, not at all.I actually appreciated your honest feedback.I didn't know you were a great story teller.Keep up the good work.Do visit my blog.
ReplyDeleteYes, Gigi, I'll visit your blog more frequently, but I honestly don't consider myself a good story-teller. Thanks, nevertheless. TC.
ReplyDeleteNo, not at all.I actually appreciated your honest feedback.I didn't know I was so awesome.I should keep up the good work.Do visit my blog.
ReplyDelete*devil's laugh.
Deluded,
ReplyDeleteYou're awesome, and if you've any doubt, I reaffirm you're awesome. Sic. And there's nothing wrong with knowing you're awesome. Sic. You'll be more sure of this if you read Ayn Rand one of the days. I know you've problem with her last name, but she's also awesome. Sic.
I've responded to MANY of your posts.
TC.
And even Gigi will approve. She's also awesome. Sick. ;)
ReplyDeleteSorry, deluded, now on will also do a revision of all my respondents responses.
ReplyDeleteBut, I still maintain what said about you and Ayn Rand. Sic.
Ketan
ReplyDeleteThis is by far the best post I've come across. Short isn't the word! But impact per size of the post is mind blowing! But your other "short story" isn't exactly short! I'm a bit tied up at the moment, so I'm unable to read all the posts with a peace of mind! Anyway I should be free soon, so I should be able to do it!
Cheers
Thanks, Vishwas!
ReplyDeleteAs I've stated above, 55 words was too restrictive for this idea. Glad you liked it. Well, for the short story--it's 11k+ words, which makes it a novelette; 9k more words, and it'd have been a novel, officially!
Take your sweet time. And thanks for the interest in my blog.
TC.
Hey, this reminds me of a particular (perhaps Sanskrit?) saying. I'm not sure if it's appropriate to your 55-er, but it goes like this:
ReplyDeleteWhen you were born, you cried while the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world will cry and you will rejoice.
TCC,
ReplyDeleteYes, the saying does apply in a way. Just that this guy, at least for a moment, was very content, even before dying, to know someone had loved him so much.
Thanks for visiting!
TC.
55 words can say much more than a whole book..
ReplyDeletevery touching..
Hi Oorja!
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading and commenting!
To be honest, I'd have liked to use a little over 100 words for this one.
TC.
Can we expect some more 55ers!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Vishwas!
ReplyDeleteI'd be writing a few posts in next one week, but they're unlikely to be 55ers! I don't doing 55ers much :(
TC.
Ahh damn! Anyway looking forward to your new posts! Meanwhile I've managed to find some time to blog now!!
ReplyDeleteThat's nice. Looking forward to your posts, too. TC.
ReplyDelete