Tonight, I see you standing with him.
Hand-in-hand.
Ever so slightly do you squirm.
Only I understand.
That to him now you belong,
Is for a fact.
And for you I will not long,
With me was a pact.
Had I known what this would be to see--
You and him...
But then, never could I foresee;
It was a whim.
As I mildly enjoy your unease
Like your soul do a striptease...
You look away
You look around
Your eyes sway
Dig into the ground
So wildly you gyrate to try to conceal
All you manage yet is only to reveal
Your tattered demeanor is a curtain
I can see through you're certain.
Your smile is, but a decorative frond
And you know, I can see the grimace beyond.
In your weakness, you want to surrender
Firmly you clutch him, your only anchor.
You look at my shoe
And now, my tie
You look at me
But, beyond my eye
You, my eyes shamelessly violate
My eyes, yours suddenly collate
Unbearable is the silence in that one moment
Stillness is the violence of your maddened movement
A part of you, that was me, you dismember
Yet all you do is make me remember...
That:
Once had I seen you stand with him.
Hand-in-hand.
You were the center, and he your rim,
Did he understand?
That you were the note that made him a song
That was perfect.
That he was the deity to who your being did throng.
He--your only sect.
Had he known what it'd be to be free,
You not holding him...
But blinded he was, never could he see,
That, I were to be that him.
But for me, you think, is it any consolation
That I was the one, who chose your desolation?
That maybe for a moment
I wanted to be free
To free my breath off your scent
To be not us, but only me?
You were embedded
Deep into my soul
The me in me was dead
Our love was the Ghoul.
But did I ever know,
For good you'd go away?
That slow death you'd sow,
And rest all you'd flay?
Yet since eternity, I had made myself believe
Another ray of reason to live shall I find...
Yet tonight,
A moment under your shadow, did I live,
And a thousand deaths have I died.
[It's after over three-and-a-half years that I've tried my hand at poetry. I've no idea if as a poet have I grown or regressed. Simply click on the tag 'poetry' below, and do let me know what you think. :)
The poem is pretty much self-explanatory; an elaboration would be undue.
Challenge with poetry, if one's to stay sincere, is to constantly live the poetry while writing despite having not lived it (at least recently).]
Thursday, July 9, 2009
54 comments:
Well-articulated disagreement would be a very good indicator that I was understood, and would be appreciated more than perfunctory agreement or praise. But of course, you could agree and praise...
Important disclaimer: The views expressed in comments by visitors to this blog do not necessarily enjoy my endorsement. Though I believe, practically, the comments' space of this blog belongs entirely to the readers and that I must not regulate it, I might delete comments that are insulting to other people, or if they are of violent nature.
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Man. You've struck me where it hurts the most with this one. Only in my case it was the slow wait that she'll ultimately land up with someone else.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't be the man in your poem to look at that sight. Am not brave enough.
Hence, am no more in contact with who I hoped was The One.
Now, all hopes are rested on finding that ray of light. I am hopeful.
Hi Aniket!
ReplyDeleteI hope you enjoyed err liked err I hope you get what I mean considering it's after 3.5 years that I've tried writing a poem.
Actually, what I'd in mind was some party where they meet. But it could as well be outside some mall, on a street or even a bus stop. A totally unplanned encounter. Now does this sound scary? ;)
It's actually the hero(?) who'd 'dumped' her as he was sacred by his excessive dependence on her. He had hoped that he'd be able to adjust, but obviously (in the poem), he couldn't.
When he suddenly encounters his worst fear, he decides to face it upfront. He tries to make her feel guilty. The ironic part is that the heroine (probably) had till that moment had a soft corner for him, and at that very moment, she decides to totally 'move on', and you know what happens next. :P All this is supposed to happen in a span of less than 10 s, and without a single word spoken!
And don't lose your hope. I'm sure you'll find your ray of light, just make sure you don't become a photosynthetic plant when you find one, if you get what I mean. ;)
All the best!
TC.
It's amazing how both our posts are eerily similar (I mean in terms of feelings)
ReplyDeleteI guess, this inevitably happens with all of us guys at least once in our lives... :)
But yeah great stuff... Compared to this, mine looks like a nursery rhyme!
PS. Usually I don't enjoy poetry unless it is so close to reality...
Thanks, Rakesh!
ReplyDeleteFortunately, exactly this hasn't happened with me, but there's a good chance some time in the future. So, I just try to prepare myself mentally, sometimes. :)
I think all (well, only four!) my poems on this blog are close to real-life situations.
I hope you've recovered from the barb! You might do a post on how to come out unscathed after such encounters. ;)
TC.
Ketan, i sincerely hope u believe me when i tell u how very greatly impressed i am with this piece of poetry!
ReplyDeleteIts fabulous! 'like your soul does a strip tease' wow! What a way to write it!
'my eyes endlessly violate you' its incredible!
Why why why dont u write more poetry?
I love it so much i'm going to read the rest right now!
And u rhyme it so well..i'm so jealous! :) :) :)
*big hug*
and i'm so happy that u said that i'm one of the people whose poetry made u consider writing more of ur own!
ReplyDeleteI have always believed that reading was one of the ways to learn a language the ultimate aim of which is to express yourself..and it really does not matter how many books u've read when u've learned to express yourself so much more effectively than i ever can..
i just reread it n found another line i like 'stillness is the violence of your maddened movement' wow!
ReplyDeleteLoved it...
ReplyDelete:-)
Absolutely stunning !! Loved it.....
ReplyDeleteUm...let her go...she wasn't worth it. She didn't realise your worth. I sense bitterness....
ReplyDeleteDo you need to talk some more about it?
Hi TUIB!
ReplyDeleteThat's very high praise coming from you!
I'd never consciously given up on poetry, but somehow, nothing inspired me to write in the interim (since over 3 years). In fact there was a time when poetry was the only literary thing I used to do!
I use a very sharp distinction between poetry and rhyme. And since you mention rhyme, and also jealousy with it ;) , I'd tell you, in my first year I used to make parodies of upto three bollywood songs (ok, of only the 'mukhda' and one 'antara' following it) in a single lecture! And then write them down on the bench where I'd be sitting! All those parodies would deal with how the lectures were sleep-inducing.
But I stopped when once a physiology lecturer read (and enjoyed) those rhymes! And no doubt, my dear classmates gladly told him it was my handiwork. Already that teacher wasn't particularly happy with me (had given me 2 out of 10 in my very first viva of MBBS, which was lowest in the class for saying 'millimeter cubed' instead of 'cubic millimeter'!), and also 'cuz someone else had written something really nasty (and may I add, lacking my kind of creativity ;) ) about a girl.
Also (good) poetry takes a lot of hardwork.
Many times the reader can't appreciate the small efforts I'd put in my poetry.
I'll just point out, and do let me know if you'd noticed them before my pointing out:
1. Almost midway in the poem, tables are turned--the lady 'dominates' in the second half
2. All this happens within a span of 10 s...
3. Not a single word is spoken in the process.
4. Lady's partner is totally oblivious to all the happenings.
5. I've conserved the rhyme in first and the fourth stanzas (the 'you and him' stanzas)--meaning, the last words in each line of the first stanza rhymes with the corresponding word in the fourth stanza.
6. There's a certain kind of progression. First her eyes avoid him (you look away... to ...dig into the ground), which continues in the next stanza with her first looking from ground to his shoe, to tie, then face, and then when he least expects it, directly into his eyes.
7. It is at the moment of locking of their eyes that the lady tells him that she no more thinks of him. And of course, as you could understand that she looks into his eyes without shaking, absolutely still, that's what proves so difficult for him to bear.
8. 'You' in 'so wildly you gyrate... to ...to reveal' is synecdoche for her 'eyes'...
Hi TUIB!
ReplyDeleteThat's very high praise coming from you!
I'd never consciously given up on poetry, but somehow, nothing inspired me to write in the interim (since over 3 years). In fact there was a time when poetry was the only literary thing I used to do!
I use a very sharp distinction between poetry and rhyme. And since you mention rhyme, and also jealousy with it ;) , I'd tell you, in my first year I used to make parodies of upto three bollywood songs (ok, of only the 'mukhda' and one 'antara' following it) in a single lecture! And then write them down on the bench where I'd be sitting! All those parodies would deal with how the lectures were sleep-inducing.
But I stopped when once a physiology lecturer read (and enjoyed) those rhymes! And no doubt, my dear classmates gladly told him it was my handiwork. Already that teacher wasn't particularly happy with me (had given me 2 out of 10 in my very first viva of MBBS, which was lowest in the class for saying 'millimeter cubed' instead of 'cubic millimeter'!), and also 'cuz someone else had written something really nasty (and may I add, lacking my kind of creativity ;) ) about a girl.
Also (good) poetry takes a lot of hardwork.
Many times the reader can't appreciate the small efforts I'd put in my poetry.
I'll just point out, and do let me know if you'd noticed them before my pointing out:
1. Almost midway in the poem, tables are turned--the lady 'dominates' in the second half
2. All this happens within a span of 10 s...
3. Not a single word is spoken in the process.
4. Lady's partner is totally oblivious to all the happenings.
5. I've conserved the rhyme in first and the fourth stanzas (the 'you and him' stanzas)--meaning, the last words in each line of the first stanza rhymes with the corresponding word in the fourth stanza.
6. There's a certain kind of progression. First her eyes avoid him (you look away... to ...dig into the ground), which continues in the next stanza with her first looking from ground to his shoe, to tie, then face, and then when he least expects it, directly into his eyes.
7. It is at the moment of locking of their eyes that the lady tells him that she no more thinks of him. And of course, as you could understand that she looks into his eyes without shaking, absolutely still, that's what proves so difficult for him to bear.
8. 'You' in 'so wildly you gyrate... to ...to reveal' is synecdoche for her 'eyes'...
...9. Just as with first and fifth stanzas, second and third are mutually homologous with each other in terms of structure (length of individual lines)
ReplyDelete10. The last stanza also follows a rhyming scheme--a,b;a,b, just that it might be difficult to make out because of interruption by 'And tonight'--'believe'-'live' and 'find'-'died'
11. Also in the last stanza, the contrast between how he prepares himself since 'eternity', yet in that one critical 'moment' everything breaks down. Same with 'ray of reason' and 'shadow'
12. In first and fourth stanzas I've deliberately kept every other line short. It was a sort of experimentation.
13. It's the protagonist who parts ways because of the reasons mentioned after stanza 4--fear of excessive dependence to the degree that he'd forgotten to acknowledge himself.
I'm sure you must have noticed quite a few of these points, and maybe missed a few here and there.
The thing I wish to illustrate is that after putting in this much effort(!), I'll never be able to enjoy this poem! Maybe if I read it after very long time. 'cuz all I'd be able to think would 'okay, maybe this word world've sounded better', or I'll recall how I'd replaced a word with some other!
Another issue is with originality! The line you liked the most 'soul do striptease', I feel (am not very sure), I'd read something similar in the past. Likewise, the last line 'a thousand deaths I've died' is very cliched. Though I retained it only 'cuz it suited so well!
So, basically I'd feel a bit hypocritical about saying a few thing through my poetry only for the literary 'effect', which unfortunately deal with the most personal human emotions. But then, with time I've also come to realize that it's also a skill! The problem is I can't write poetry in 'real time', like writing it in one go. Sometimes I've to mull a lot over individual words, so that the sentence length would be alright or it'd rhyme better. For instance, instead of the stanza that deals with 'soul-Ghoul and 'embedded-dead', I'd initially come with some analogy involving 'imprint-mint' and 'coin', for which I couldn't think of a rhyming word 'cuz the first that came to my mind was 'groin'! LOL! So you see, how I even remember the stanzas not with the idea in them, but the ending, rhyming words! ;) BTW, my favorite line's 'a part of you that was me...'
Why I consider it important to be well read is for GK...
...Like some works are landmarks, and I'd be clueless about them. Say, Harry Potter (I don't know anything about the characters, except for a bit I know through the movie and friends); case with LOTR is even worse :(
ReplyDeleteThough, one particular such experiment had backfired, and then I became very circumspect about my choice--'The Alchemist'. It's in the list of top ten selling books sharing space with the likes of The Bible, LOTR and Harry Potter, and I could've vomited reading it! The only way I completed was to challenge myself as to how much torture could I bear! Many consider me arrogant for saying that, but I actually couldn't understand anything in the story, nor could I like it! Neither could I find a meaningful plot nor some message that I could retain reading it. Not that I've anything against famous works, otherwise I wouldn't have liked 'The Little Prince' or 'Love Story' or 'Jonathen Livingstone Seagull'.
You could add or deduct (if you feel, I'll find it as emetogenic as Alchemist) something from the following list I'd like to read in my lifetime, only 'cuz they're famous:
1. God of small things
2. To kill a mockingbird
3. A hitchiker's guide to galaxy
4. The namesake (I think, by Jhumpa Lahiri)
5. Kite runner
6. A thousand splendid suns
7. Bourne series ('The Sigma Protocol' is one of my favorites)
Likewise, I feel lost when someone mentions famous movies, and wouldn't know a thing!
X-men and LOTR, again for instance. I've not watched a single movie by Shyamalan. I've to also watch movies by Guru Dutt (was very impressed by the storyline of 'pyaasa').
'cuz I read so many of above books and movies as bloggers' favorites that I'd feel very curious, as to how everyone has read/watched them!
Well, I've digresse a LOT, but then we don't have a fixed agenda, except for to praise my poem! Do we? ;)
Thanks a lot, again!
TC.
Thanks, TJ!
ReplyDeleteThanks, TJ!
ReplyDeleteJust me,
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot! I value your opinion a lot, especially when it comes to poetry ;)
TC.
PS: I've no doubt why my comments have developed this sudden fetish for asexual mode of reproduction!
the first thing that I spotted was
ReplyDelete'striptease'
sigh.
my eyes have grown a mind of their own. perhaps a local thinking ganglion. geez.
the first thing that I spotted was
ReplyDelete'striptease'
sigh.
my eyes have grown a mind of their own. perhaps a local thinking ganglion. geez.
Dr. S,
ReplyDeleteWhere have you been?
I was worried, if something wrong happened because of the strike!
Well, I've to admit this poem is part fantasy, part fact.
It was over 2 and a half years back, that the girl I'd liked was extremely depressed for some reasons, and had become emotionally numb, so as to say, and she'd broken up. I'd tried to explain a lot to her how she'd feel alright after some time, but she didn't listen. And knowing her to be quite a resolute girl, I'd to conclude that it was all over, though nothing had really made any sense to me.
The occurrence had made me think a lot as to how had I become so dependent on someone else, and that my whole life was revolving ONLY around her, and she'd become a single-point agenda of my life. I used to think of her all the time I'd awake, and yet, the break up had happened, and I couldn't do anything about it. I'd got really sacred as to how all we plan/fantasize about our lives can come down in a moment. And it got me to think, how did I allow myself to get so dependent on her. The answer was very simple and shameful--in her love I was seeking a sort of approval for myself as a person, as well as a purpose for my life! One of my friends at that point told me--'Never make another person the center of your life, 'cuz humans can change', and that had made perfect sense to me.
I'd decided to move on. I'd decided to not get into any sort of committment till I become financially independent (which is going to take at least 4 more years from now).
Then 2 months from the break up, she'd told me that she loved me very much, and that it was an impulsive mistake on her part. But I was firm on my decision--not at all because I wanted to take some sort of revenge (that'd be very childish between her and me), but because of the above reasons. And one more reason... if I were to re-establish the relation, my love would be greatly diluted because of my resolve to always keep myself at the center of my life, as compared to in the past. And that'd be very painful for both her as well as me. She'd approached me once more, and my response had been the same.
On both occasions and even after that, I've been acutely aware that I might not find someone as 'good' as her again, but that's a risk I've taken...
Till now, she's not been in any relation that I know of, but one day, she surely would be (mostly, marriage), and shameless I find it to accept, though I'd greet her and her spouse with courtesy, but a jealous part of me would be curious to know if "she likes 'him' more than she'd liked me?". Of course, I'd like the answer to be 'no', but I'm only preparing myself for a 'yes'.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks a lot for asking, but I'm perfectly alright, and I think of her not more than once or twice in a fortnight!
And honestly, she's a person I respect a lot, and I don't mind thinking in terms of 'I was not worth her' (sic).
Well, actually your response made me somewhat smile. 'cuz I'm perfectly alright. Read (if time permits!) my response above to TUIB, and you'll realize how I've discussed rather technical points about the poem, and that's what I mean by a certain kind of hypocrisy that writing poetry requires. That I think of all these technical things and yours is the kind of response it inspires in the reader!
Which brings me to a more important issue, how did you like the poem?
And I think you must absolutely read my post--'Insanity Personified'. It's specially dedicated to us, medicos. ;)
Thanks, again!
TC.
Till now, she's not been in any relation that I know of, but one day, she surely would be (mostly, marriage), and shameless I find it to accept, though I'd greet her and her spouse with courtesy, but a jealous part of me would be curious to know if "she likes 'him' more than she'd liked me?". Of course, I'd like the answer to be 'no', but I'm only preparing myself for a 'yes'.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks a lot for asking, but I'm perfectly alright, and I think of her not more than once or twice in a fortnight!
And honestly, she's a person I respect a lot, and I don't mind thinking in terms of 'I was not worth her' (sic).
Well, actually your response made me somewhat smile. 'cuz I'm perfectly alright. Read (if time permits!) my response above to TUIB, and you'll realize how I've discussed rather technical points about the poem, and that's what I mean by a certain kind of hypocrisy that writing poetry requires. That I think of all these technical things and yours is the kind of response it inspires in the reader!
Which brings me to a more important issue, how did you like the poem?
And I think you must absolutely read my post--'Insanity Personified'. It's specially dedicated to us, medicos. ;)
Thanks, again!
TC.
Deluded,
ReplyDeleteWow, so you're back!
I was actually thinking of you while writing that word striptease. Remember, 'strip of tease'?
I was thinking of emailing you, but thought let the 1 month period get over. So are you back from you sabbatical?
I'd like you to read 'insanity personified'--though it's a pretty long post.
TC.
PS: Us males, in *those* matters actually use our peripheral nervous system only to think, not unlike a cockroach, in whom the brain is nothing but an overgrown ganglion!
Hey, I've removed my comment restrictions. Don't know how that had happened. Thanks for the comments on my other blog.
ReplyDeleteWell, Ketan, honestly, I'm even more impressed now, having learnt how much of effort u put into ur poetry..
ReplyDeleteI actually write in what u call 'real time'..and i seldom, if at all, edit it after that..
Perhaps that explains my inability to introduce rhyming in them..it doesnt come spontaneously to me..
I really admire the thought process that went into this poem..
I think u'd hinted at the woman's boyfriend being oblivious when u described her as the centre and her partner as the rim..I also liked how we start the poem with a man's point of view but midway we end up crossing over to her side..
I also like how the poem describes the very human process of taking somebody into one's sight..this is what women really do..look at pieces of the person, the shirt, the hands, the lips, the eyes..
really perceptive!
thats all i'd noticed..thanks for filling the rest in for me..
And abt the physio teacher..he was prolly a dummy..not to have understood that millimeter cubed is the same as cubic millimeters..
ReplyDeleteI was rather lucky never to have found myself in any of my professors' crosshairs..its a very ugly place to be..
and abt the books and movies..u're hardly missing out on anything by not having read Harry Potter..I was a huge fan when JKR was bringing the books out and I still will go watch the sixth movie..but the excitement diminishes..u outgrow that stuff..
as for LOTR, its a very complex story..I didnt even finish the book in one go..it took me three years to read..same goes for Shantaram..trust me, not all people who say they've seen or read some things have really seen or read them..some people just pretend to do so..so that they can fit in with the popular perception of being enlightened or atleast, aware..
I've read all the books on ur list (even the bourne books, they're not the same as the movies tho') and i recommend all of em (esp. douglas adams and to kill a mocking bird)..but its alright if u dont read them in ur lifetime..i think a point comes when u think life has more to teach u than those books can..
:)
and guru dutt movies of course..pyaasa is wonderful but sahib, biwi aur ghulam made me very very angry at the world..
TUIB,
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if got the plot exactly as I wanted to convey, so I just clarify at the risk of being repetitive. For further elaboration, you could read my response to Dr. S, but it'd be hardly necessary.
The protagonist unexpectedly sees his ex, who's married or as you put it, with her boyfriend. Initially, he senses guilt in her, and tries to counter his inner fear and jealousy by staring at her and making her further uncomfortable. And she avoids his gaze. That's why she first looks here and there, possibly because she hadn't yet totally come out of her old relationship. But then, she gradually gains courage. Her first looking into the ground, then, shoe, then at his face (but avoiding eye contact)--are all part of her 'gathering courage-process'. And when she finally becomes sure of her (lack of) feelings for him, she looks him in the eye and conveys through her stillness that he no longer had any place in her life or heart. This hurts protagonist a lot (part jealousy; part, underpreparedness). The next paragraph is a flashback of times when the protagonist and the heroine were together ('center and rim'-paragraph). The subsequent paragraphs are the reasons he'd broken up with her--fearing overdependence. And how he'd thought that he'd be able to find some other purpose to live to fill in the vacuum created by her exit from his life, but he was yet totally unprepared to accept in most concrete terms that she no longer belonged to him (and did belong to someone else). That's the degree to which he's broken upon this chance encounter. I hope this elaboration of the plot helps.
And a skeptic like me didn't really think that many of those people must have not read those books (or at least not understood them)! I'm very disappointed with myself! Thanks for pointing out!
Except for our HOD, the entire physiology department was absolute shit! Actually, that guy'd given me 2 off 15! It's the other guy who'd given me 2 off 10 partly for stating newton was the unit of force! It's later I'd learnt that due to college politics (rural-urban divide+not knowing Marathi), I was a marked man!
I've not watched any Guru Dutt movie! I'd just read it on Wikipedia, and found the storyline similar to 'Billu (barber)'s' (again read on Wikipedia).
Thanks for your tips. :)
TC.
You neednt have explained..I pretty much got it all..
ReplyDeleteI was merely pointing out things as I'd perceived them..differently from the way u'd perhaps intended them to be perceived..
I cant wait to read more of 'em..:)
hey man, long time...i luved this poem...u have this broken sense of irony in everything u write...nice!!
ReplyDeleteOh ok TUIB, I just didn't want to take chances!
ReplyDeleteLet's see what inspires me next.
If I can do it, in a month you'll find a novelette-sized story vaguely on lines of the 'economics of pleasure and pain' that I'd discussed on one of your posts, which I'd alreadey started writing about a month back.
TC.
Yeah alpez, it's been long. But never mind, I'll scrap you!
ReplyDeleteThanks! But I was just thinking I might be incapable of doing some absolutely feel-good, cheery stuff. Let's see, might try that too someday.
Nothing's happening on your side of the blog?
TC.
"You look at me
ReplyDeleteBut, beyond my eye"
I think that's the best line.
But, I tell u, each line is very well thought. Awesome.
Give a damn to the physio prof.
Keep up the good work:)
P.s: I'm now a follower!
Welcome Aniruddha!
ReplyDeleteSo you read all the comments! :P
Yes, the physio professor's long been forgotten. Completed my internship in February, 2008. Preparing for PG entrances as of now.
Glad, you liked the poem, and thanks for the flowing praise!
I'd no idea you were still active on the blogosphere. Seen you comment only on Mgeek's posts.
TC.
Ya, I don't post very often.
ReplyDeleteStarted cartooning sometime back, so I've started another blog as well.
Good luck for entrances.
Me giving them too next yr.
wowwwwwwwwwwww........i dont want to comment on this one though !!!
ReplyDeletetell me ketan, are you in GS ??
and i absolutely loved the lines..
ReplyDeleteyou look at me,
but beyond my eye...
classic!!!!!!!!!!!absolutely fantastic!!!!!!
Thanks Abhishek, and welcome to my blog!
ReplyDeleteCoincidentally, Tangled Up in Blue also liked the same line the best. :)
No, I'm not from GS; I'd completed my internship from Loni in 2008.
TC.
Ketan,
ReplyDeleteImpact, could be the only way to describe the feeling after you are done with the poem!!
I had been in one such situation, but in that particular situation, well the Lady did not notice me .. (She was on a bike with some guy. I still do not know if it was her or it was a delusion). It had been a while since the break up (Note: there was no formal break up, or a start for that matter), and seeing her with another person was utter pain for me. I may not have died a thousand times, but at that moment, i felt pain beyond description (again may sound cliched but true..).
And as regards poetry, i consider it as a means to channel extreme emotions, and leave those emotions there in that poem. Worked for me a couple of times. Not that you should write poetry for others to enjoy, it is primarily written for yourself, and the thrill is that only you can appreciate in its entirety. But a poem can also inspire (can at times do the opposite as well) and there in lies the charm in making it public.
Thanks me... if I can take the 'impact' you talk of as an acknowledgement of my poetry and not merely the subject of the poem, which of course I expect almost everyone to identify with for one reason or the other.
ReplyDeleteWell, events similar to the one you've talked of has happened with me once, but I had ended up talking to her (for the very first time) for around a min fumbling for words throughout the conversation, but I'd rate that pain too low as compared to what one is likely to feel on seeing the one you'd loved, got loved back by in the past and yourself rejected only on this belief in yourself of getting over her, love someone else completely. That now you occupy no place in her life.
And I can imagine the pain you'd have felt. Fortunately/unfortunately for me, the event I've described in the poem is yet to happen, but don't know if I should take solace in the fact that it's not happened or be frightened by its imminence!
And a note on hallucination v/s delusion. Hallucination is to actually hear/see something that does not happen/exist. Delusion is just a flawed/irrational thought or idea.
Yes, till the fourth stanza my poem was also an attempt at channelizing my emotions as you put it, beyond that the next tire stanzas were a literary effort. The last stanza, however, was also spontaneous.
There's an interesting and important issue that you've maybe, not raised, but I can recognize it, and would like to elaborate upon.
In nothing that I write will you find something unresolved. I usually write something after I'd have resolved the said issue in my mind. What comes onto paper is only the conclusion or the process that leads to the resolution.
Then, I make my work public depending upon whether I mind other people getting an insight into my thinking, attitude, quirks, weaknesses, prejudices, conflicts. Here the answer is 'NO'. I've this strange idea that there's nothing I should do that'd make me embarrassed of facing scrutiny by others. And if I do it, then the punishment is that I should gather enough courage/audacity to make it known to people I do or would potentially (those 'good people' who I don't know today, but would drop in someday on my blog) RESPECT/CONSIDER IMPORTANT or am ACCOUNTABLE to because of my obligations (mainly parents). And regarding those I don't respect myself/disrespect, what they think of me's totally immaterial...
...So this way, virtually everything I write finds place on this blog.
ReplyDeleteI'd be dishonest if I don't admit that sometimes the incentive, though not the motive behind publicizing my work is praise. But here a couple of very intricate concepts are involved. First, to me praise of only people I myself respect matters. If someone falling below that bar praises my work profusely, and apparently sincerely, that'd make me happy, but very transiently so. Second, praise I desire is for my ideas and their way of expression AS THEY WOULD BE. If I try to alter those things, then the ensuing praise would be for the person I'd be trying to project myself, but not for ME.
But if I've noticed one difference between you and me correctly, it's that you take pleasure in your work (or is it you, yourself??) being not understood completely, whereas, if with me a certain part of me not being understood would lead to a lingering frustration. So for that reason, I find reading and writing poetry somewhat frustrating, but the same frustration when reading also drives me to read more of it as that provides me with opportunities to derive multiple meanings in the same set of words, and that I find an intellectual, literary as well as emotional challenge. And that's why I enjoy reading poetry, but not writing it, and even if I do write it, I don't hide the real meaning behind a shred of enigma. Maybe same also applies to the way I live. :)
TC.
The impact i talked about had to do with both to poem and the way it was written..
ReplyDeleteI do like to write stuff that is not very direct, the reason being as you had pointed out... you find an intellectual, literary as well as emotional challenge when you read stuff which such stuff, and writing them poses me a similar challenge as well..
And as regards LOTR, as one of the reviewers had pointed out ... "The English speaking world is divided into two categories - one that has read the Lord of the Rings Trilogy and the other which hasn't". Nothing better i could add. Read the book only if you like getting lost in another world ...
Also .. the profile shot if mine is Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn from the Lord of the Rings..
ReplyDeleteMe...,
ReplyDeleteI also enjoy references/meanings that'd be indirect, but I find it frustrating only when there's ambiguity--where I can actually derive more than one meanings--as there'd be no way to ascertain which of the possible meanings was the one meant to be conveyed by the writer unless and until of course, I could get it confirmed by the writer. But sometimes, you know, the writers don't tell what they'd meant. ;) See, how the last statement was somewhat indirect, but not ambiguous. At a certain level I find unrequired enigma childish. And in my case, too much of it would make me lose my interest as well as curiosity.
I'll give you an example to illustrate what I don't like about mystical writing:
"The Blue Whale drowned in the same water it drank"
No wonder the above statement makes sense, but without a proper context leaves much for the reader to understand.
I'll give a few possible interpretations.
1. A blue whale drank water and drowned (and died ??) in it. What's the big deal? All blue whales die the same way. Period. But it's a 'cool'-sounding irony.
2. Some lousy conspiracy--someone poisoned the blue whale.
3. What is life-giving could also take away life.
4. After drowning the water was still in the whale's stomach. So a 'social message' to financial blue whales--when you die, whatever you earn stays as it is.
5. In context of knowledge--the more you learn about something (and ingrain it), the more you in turn get absorbed into it.
6. However large one is, there's always something larger--water body in this case.
7. You cannot destroy truth (water in this case). Either it will be inside you or outside you.
8. Or of course, I could only be trying simply to explain the concept of buoyancy!
But you know what? Honestly, this was the first just-about-random sentence that came to my mind. And I'd honestly not thought of any meaning that that sentence could convey! So when I come across such work, my feeling would be like--why to take so much tension when the writer could've meant something profoundly philosophical or patently dumb! But mind you, I'm not referring to all such works. Many times, actually such works have beautiful meanings that could be derived, but for that I'd have to be aware of the writer's 'track record' (as a writer). I can't, for instance, who writes only about flings of bollywood actors in an insipid way, take some day to mean something very profound by stating--'who's John Galt?'. ;)...
...The way you describe it, LOTR is sounding not very appealing. But might try it only because it's so famous. But as you might know by now, my such experiment with 'The Alchemist' had severely backfired.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for telling about your profile pic.
TC.
But then ketan such "mystical" writings need not be with the sole reason of the audience appreciating it.
ReplyDeleteAnd you can read stuff just for the sake of it.
Anything better than serendipity being ignored / neglected.
me...,
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I couldn't get what you were meaning to say in your comment above.
I do enjoy reading a vast range of literature--including something as disconnected from reality as Uncyclopedia articles (see my sidebar as an example). I think to maintain clarity in our communication, we'll have to define what is mystical. By mystical I do NOT mean imaginary or fantastic stuff. For instance, I've liked 'The Little Prince' and I can't put my finger on it--why. Maybe for the open eyed wonder of the Little Prince at people in the world. Somehow, that character was very endearing and I liked it. But I couldn't like 'The Alchemist'. I also liked 'Jonathen Livingstone Seagull'. All the three venture into the domain of fantasy. I'm not averse to things relating to time travel.
But as I write this, I realize maybe what I don't like is where things remain unresolved even at the end. Or a clear cause-and-effect relationship is not established by the creator of the work.
I'd for instance very much liked a little known Hindi movie called 'Vaastu Shastra' for all the small-small mind games the director and cinematographer had played with the audiences, but then absolutely didn't like the fact that it had ended without a resolution.
I'm not implying that I don't read anything that doesn't provide me with new ideas/knowledge, but there should be something to understand in it. I think, as a person, I feel most insecure/inadequate if there's something I can't understand.
And one thing I'd like you to elaborate upon is "reading something for the sake of it."
And I'd also like you to try to better define what is 'mystical writing'.
Yes, I can understand that one can enjoy writing mystical stuff that doesn't have a fixed ending/resolution, maybe not unlike drawing/painting, where there need not be a fixed objective, but I cannot enjoy reading it much. When I see good mystical writing, I see it as a great 'potential' in the creator, but not an actual 'creation'. Like a very beautifully furnished house where no one lives!
I'd like to myself understand why I liked two of the above stories, but not 'The Alchemist'.
Thanks and TC.
"Your smile is, but a decorative frond
ReplyDeleteAnd you know, I can see the grimace beyond."
Uhh. It Just brought back a memory. I hated it when someone could see the tears beyond my decorative smile, almost instantaneously. Sometimes it feels better when your dear ones can't read you.
"Stillness is the violence of your maddened movement"
Awesome lines. amazing phraseology. and beautiful poetry!
Keep writing more of poems dude. you are good at it.
ciao.
PS- Finally I found a state of mind which allowed me to delve into a piece of poetry. sorry for the delay in acting upon your request to go through your poem.
Thanks Chiya!
ReplyDeleteI'd almost forgotten I'd asked you to go through my poem, LOL!
And there's absolutely no need to apologize. Reading someone else's work or not is for you to decide. :)
TC.
yea, thanks :)
ReplyDeleteciao
I don't understand poetry. Nor do I try hard to. But this did find a little similarity (for the obvious reasons) to the story hehe.
ReplyDeleteBelieve me Deepali, if you could make out some similarity between the story and this poem, and that too often, you've got all that was to be 'gotten'.
ReplyDeleteIf want to know somewhat more about poetic aspects of this work, you could see my exchange above with TUIB.
Thanks for reading!
TC.
*and that too obviously, you've got all...
ReplyDeleteI admit, poetry is often beyond me. I am a man of prose. This one was among the very very very few closest to what I could decipher.
ReplyDeleteCheers again
Thanks, Sai!
ReplyDeleteGlad, you could understand it. As such it was anyway a very straightforward poem. :)
TC.